Two Be Or Not Two Be…

Two months ago this day - I have received a phone call from my mom. It was the only one phone call from her that I wish I haven’t picked up if I knew what she would say would shake me to the core. I can barely remember much of what has been said except for 2 things- “Pastor Totie…lung cancer”. Two things I’ve never imagined to ever be linked together in one sentence.

When I got home that night from the lab, I came before God in prayer with some sort of trepidation in my heart. I was wondering how God would like me to be praying about the matter. I was afraid that my faith might not hold up if He asks me to believe for a miraculous healing. But I am more afraid of the thought if He should tell me otherwise.

Two passages of Scripture- that’s what God has given me off hand. But the revelational insight to these came in parts.

One - would teach me how to pray with a tangible kind of faith for Pastor Totie’s healing.

Two -to carry on with a tangible kind of comfort when he passes on.

A lesson in faith…

John 11: 4 NKJV

When Jesus heard that, He said, “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

It was a tall order. But by God’s grace, the Lord caused me to cry out every time I pray for an increasing measure of faith…until it came to a point where I think I can not believe any harder that God is ABLE to do it. There had been a time though when I was even afraid to speak about it lest an iota of disbelief find its way to my mouth and I end up like Zacharias with a tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth.

There had been countless of times that I was a just a silent “stalker” of Cassie and Mike’s FB wall posts…deriving comfort and strength from their courage and faith – and from every photograph of Pastor Totie’s all too familiar smiling face.

A deeper understanding of being comforted, of a greater hope and of a greater fear of the Lord…

Pastor Totie’s smiling face is a picture of hope. There had been distinct moments when I knew hope was birthed and re-birthed in an even greater measure in my heart. If he can find a reason to be smiling about when he is in pain, then surely I can find one, too. But on that balmy Sunday afternoon on Father’s day…I can sense that there was a heaviness in my spirit – a heaviness that was not oppressive but one that calls you to labor with birth pangs until you have labored to bring forth a “breaking” in the spirit.

So after the church service and I had my lunch, I went into my room, got my guitar and started worshipping the Lord. Except for a short time where I have to go get something from the grocery store, I spent almost the whole afternoon until evening just worshipping God and praying in the spirit. Finally, the breakthrough came. I started weeping and weeping and weeping – for what reason, I didn’t know. And as suddenly as the burden came…it was lifted the same manner. So I got up, washed my face and had dinner.

It was 8:30pm, Boston time.

At 9pm, Kuh came up on skype. She told me Pastor Totie has gone to be with Jesus.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1 nothing.

I was waiting for grief to sink in. It didn’t. Not right away that is. Nevertheless, it still had been one of the hardest places I have ever been in my life.

“But Lord…You said…not unto death…not unto death…”

Indeed, it was a very hard place to be in. It called for me to choose whether or not (as one preacher said it) to have a good opinion of God. It was hard. It was difficult. But by God’s mercy God has gently opened my heart to receive His grace…and my eyes to understanding. And in quietness that was brought about by God’s peace that passes all understanding, He spoke into my heart 2 things.

Two things that have brought a greater hope and a greater fear of the Lord…

One – Pastor Totie has hit the mark of God’s high call upon his life.

Two – Pastor Totie, after having been perfected in suffering has now come home to glory.

And just as Jesus has bided Lazarus to come forth, out of the grave to where He was, Jesus has bided Pastor Totie out of his sickness…to be where He is.

And this was the time God has quickened the other passage of scripture He has given me and with it a degree of understanding.

John 13: 1, 3

“ Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end….

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God…”

God confirmed in my heart that it was really his time to come home. But what struck me more in this passage of Scripture was the thought that just before he passed on, Pastor Totie was found to be doing what glorifies God the most – finishing strong and finishing well in the work that God has ordained for him to accomplish even before the foundation of the world.

2 ways - Pastor Totie’s ministry has impacted my spiritual journey:

One – Part of who I am now, God has brought about by imparting in me a degree of Christ-likeness in and through Pastor Totie’s life

Two – Who God would like me to become, is reiterated rather eloquently through Pastor Totie’s death - that is to be someone who will hit the mark just like he did.

I didn’t mean to work intentionally around the number “2” as the theme of this essay when I started writing my thoughts. But for what it’s worth…it can be used to spell out two choices:

“HIT OR MISS?”

Philippians 3:12-14 NKJV

¹² Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. ¹³ Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, ¹⁴ I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

All 7 must be satisfied...

Seven...

there are 7 characteristics that define a living organism. To my chagrin, I don't know what's worse...that I could only remember 3 (of these, 2 were already given by a guy in my Faith group) …or that I thought there were only 5.

12 years of doing Biology...and for the life of me I couldn't remember the 7 characteristics (well ...5 at the most! LOL) that makes a living thing a "LIVING THING"...

...maybe I was just being too hard on myself...maybe I just have so taken it for granted that I will know a "living thing" when I see one that I have pushed into the deeper recesses of my brain the most basic foundations I've learned in my first major subject in Biology twelve years ago...or maybe I have become so absorbed with just a chunk in a very broad field of study that I found no need to remember all these...or maybe I was just making up excuses when in fact I really did forget because I have not kept these in my heart nor in my mind to begin with.

Good thing there's such a thing as...Wikipedia! So eventually, it has been made known to us the other 5 characteristics which completed the list below:

7 Characteristics of a living organism

1. Organization

2. Homeostasis

3. Metabolism

4. Growth

5. Adaptation

6. Response to stimuli

7. Reproduction

After Faith group last Thursday night, I was still mulling over the conversation we had regarding this list as I was walking home when suddenly I felt God ask me a question...

"Amber, are you a living Christian?"

I was like..."whoa...where did that come from?!?"

Before I knew it, the Holy Spirit has started translating these 7 characteristics into a spiritual context.

1. Organization - Cells are the basic units of life and are what a living thing is structurally composed of. In like manner, a person who is created in the likeness of God is composed of a body, a soul and a spirit. I asked the Lord what is the significance of this in relation to His question. He simply answered me with another question...

"Amber, are you led by the Spirit?"

Then He graciously led me to a verse in Romans 8: 11, 13-14 to make His point.

"But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God"

I was so amazed at how God has brought out this point …

No further questions Your Honor. Case closed. Next item please... :)

2. Homeostasis - the simplest definition of this in biology would be a "balanced internal environment". Physiology has always been my favorite subject, in fact in my college year book; I quoted Claude Bernard on something about "consistency of the internal environment being the condition of a FREE LIFE". When all physiological processes are working perfectly in your body...then you could say you're in the pink of health. On the contrary, failure of the body to maintain homeostasis may be manifested as a disease - not always but most likely so.

Spiritually, this could be translated into whether we embrace not only a “balanced doctrine” but sound as well. I believe in the harmony of the Scriptures and that a Scripture balances another Scripture. I was just about to ask God how would I know if a doctrine is a sound one when He quickened a verse I heard from a teaching a long time ago...

“My doctrine is not Mine but His who sent Me. If anyone wills to do His will he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is from God or whether I speak on my own authority." (John 7:16-17)

A footnote in my Bible helped me understand this further saying that the "teachings and claims of Jesus will be accepted by those who are intent on doing God's will."

I believe that a couple of keys to achieving spiritual homeostasis are to know God and His will and in the diligent study of His Word. Furthermore, corollary to the concept that homeostasis is a condition for a free life...is the fact that knowing the truth in God's word shall also set us free. And in this case, it could mean freedom from an entanglement with other doctrines that may sound good but are not sound at all.

3. Metabolism - In order to maintain homeostasis, a living organism has to constantly transform energy from the food they eat into cellular substances and into decomposing organic matter which comes out as waste products. My thoughts on spiritual metabolism came as a series of questions...starting off with what I believe the foremost of questions –

"What do I eat?"

Followed by, “Am I transformed by what I eat into growing more in Christ-likeness or am I conformed even more into the ways of the world? Of the things I eat that are of God, do I settle with just the milk or press in for a revelation of the meat in God's word?

To illustrate one point about spiritual waste excretion, I remember a teaching from our discipleship class regarding the rise of false teachings, false prophets and the spirit of the anti-Christ. Our discipler told us that we should not concern ourselves so much with these minor things, but rather we major on God's word because we will know what is false if we know the truth.

The key words in the definition of metabolism in biology are the words constant, food and transformation. This brings to mind a verse in Joshua 1:8

"This Book of the Law (which is our spiritual food) shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it"

4. Growth – this process occurs when a higher rate of building cellular components is maintained than decomposing organic matter.Spiritually, this may occur at a point when we allow God to sanctify, consecrate and set us apart out from this world and unto Him. Spiritual growth in the context of biology may happen when we take in not only constantly but also at a higher rate our Daily Bread so that through spiritual metabolic processes, we grow more in the knowledge of God and deeper in our walk with Him. As God in His grace and mercy increases in us His holiness and righteousness, the things that are displeasing to Him we start finding repugnant as well. Our desire for the ways and things of the world would become less and less and so it follows that ”the decaying organic matter" processed, metabolized and excreted becomes less also. And so we grow.

5. Adaptation - according to Mr. Wiki, adaptation is the ability to change over a period of time in response to the environment and is essential in the process of evolution. I again asked God what point is He trying to bring out from this concept. And again, He asked me another question (now I wonder if Socrates was a Christian...if he were he must have gotten inspired by God's way of stimulating thought processes and getting His point across through asking a question...or maybe he has read the book of Job).

“Where are you in your spiritual walk?"

I was reminded of the book “The Journey of Israel" by Dr. Brian Bailey. The book unfolds the journey of the Israelites from Egypt to the Promised Land as a roadmap for the spiritual journey of the believer. In essence, the book encourages the believer to press on to full maturity, ministry and glory in Christ.

I believe what God is trying to make me realize and come into terms with is whether or not I am progressing in my walk with Him. I was reminded of the Israelites who failed to enter the Promised Land...they failed for the simple reason that they were not able to adapt to the changing spiritual environment God has placed them in. It is an indisputable fact that the wilderness is one harsh place, but God was very much willing to provide the grace if only they have asked rather than grumble and complain. They failed to move forward with God…

I believe one key to a successful spiritual adaptation is to ask God for a revelation of His vision for our lives and a vision of spiritual Mt. Zion as well so that no matter where we are in our spiritual walk right now...a progressive vision will help us heed God's invitation to "come up higher" to where His glory dwells. This could mean that we may still have to face and adapt to the challenges of the wilderness, or find ourselves enduring a dark dungeon or a furnace heated 7 times over, or to take up our cross and allow God to lead us into a crucified life with Him and share in the sufferings of Christ.

In the light of adaptation as a stage for evolutionary processes, God has placed in my heart another question...

"Would you allow Me to work in you a process of spiritual evolution so that you may be transformed into the mature bride of Christ He is coming back for...no matter what the cost will be?

6. Response to stimuli - A living organism can respond to a number of stimuli...light, gravity, chemicals, pressure etc… etc. And their response usually comes out as a form of motion. I remember the wriggly amoeba in the experiment we had before to test this concept…we found out that it either swims and tumble-turns towards or away from a particular stimulus. Almost instantly, when I was considering this concept and its spiritual relevance...I was reminded of the beautiful work of the Holy Spirit. A verse in John 16:13 illustrate this point.

“However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth..."

A living Christian is one who walks and is led by the Spirit. He is sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

God has so repeatedly warned us through various illustrations in the Bible that we should not harden our hearts for the very reason that a hardened heart brought about by chronic disobedience becomes insensitive and is not responsive to the nudges of the Holy Spirit.

7. Reproduction - In the simplest sense, biological reproduction is producing like kind. In general, reproduction is a very energy costly endeavor both in the plant and the animal kingdom. Many organisms exhibit not only extreme mating and courtship behavior but also in rearing their young to ensure a successful reproduction. This is why a male peacock has got a fancy tail, a dung beetle with the largest dung rolled into a ball becomes attractive to a female dung beetle, or why a female fig wasp dies after laying her eggs inside the syconium. In terms of rearing the young, I think nothing tops the sacrifices of the emperor penguins. On the other hand, bearing fruit in the plant kingdom is an equally arduous process as well. Some species even shed all their leaves just to ensure that the fruit will mature. Why the tremendous effort?

Well, it is for the simple reason that reproduction ensures perpetuation of life for that species.

Spiritually, every believer is called to bear fruit that by our fruit it will be known if we are indeed true disciples of God. Spiritual reproduction is so much like biological reproduction in the context that both require costly investments to the point of laying down one's life.

This is clearly illustrated in John 15:1-2

"I am the true vine and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes that it may bear more fruit."

(Far be it from us that we be taken away because we are not bearing fruit)

Pruning is good for plants. It helps them produce many good fruit. There is a lengthy scientific explanation for this involving the interplay of plant hormones acting antagonistically or synergistically with one another. I wouldn't go there now but to illustrate this point further it is sufficient to say that spiritual pruning may not be the most pleasant of spiritual experiences but is one very effective way to trim our hearts into the shape God wants these to have. Most of the time, God “sand papers” out the "rough edges" in our hearts lest we pass on to our disciples a bad seed that may not bring forth bud when planted. This experience may also mean a snipping away of the foreskins of our heart or its apical buds for that matter so that in doing so, God allows us to increase in our desire to become more fully surrendered to His will... and that He may develop in us a yielded-ness He can mightily use to bring forth more fruit...and by God's mercy and grace...to bring mature sons to glory.

Just as an organism has to fulfill all the 7 characteristics listed above for it to be considered a living thing, a living Christian must complete all 7 spiritual characteristics as well. This time around, there should be no more excuses not to remember all 7…remembering just 3 is not good enough. It has to be all or nothing…

To end this rather lengthy discourse, I'd like to share this picture in my mind where God has handed over to me a paper checklist with the title of the list printed in large bold letters...

"Are you a living Christian, Amber?"

I can only pray that in His grace and His mercy and by His abundant love for me...one day when it's time to submit the paper and stand before His throne...I have all the boxes ticked off.

And this, my dear brethren is my prayer for you, too.

It was for such a time as this...

Now I know why this is the perfect time to pick up where I left off...

It'll be almost a year now since I created this blog site...and since I last posted here.

It might have been a little too long an interval for this next blog entry but it wasn't until I finished writing "All 7 must be satisfied..." did I realize that of course, the order of things should be...

"First things first..."

The ground work has to be established...

According to one of my favorite guys, Mr. Wiki...

Biology (from Greek βιολογία - βίος, bios, "life"; -λογία, -logia, study of) is the science of studying living organisms.

Living organisms...that's the key word...it has got to be living (well...i don't know about viruses though...they are a bit tricky)

Anyway, little did I know how aptly the 7 characteristics which define a living organism apply to my spiritual walk.

Until recently...until a few nights back when God has spoken about these very things in my heart.

...ergo this blog!

I just moved to Boston two months ago.

I was only here a few days when I started toying with the idea of blogging. It did occur to me to do so in the past but for some reason, I never got around to doing it. I probably did not take it too seriously until now... until I got here and found out that no matter how warm and pleasant the people are, you still feel a tinge of isolation if you live in a country that is not your own. And since I don't know many people here (obviously...), I get to be left alone with my own thoughts...most of the time. (Well, this is no easy feat...I used to talk a lot back home.)

I guess, sitting still in the bus on my way to work or walking the streets of Boston alone and being lost in my own reverie might just be the optimal condition to incubate some thoughts...

Before I knew it...my blog-material thoughts have found their way in my handy-dandy notebook...and as I stared at the words there...I just knew that pretty soon I'm gonna start writing...

...ergo this blog!